I am alive and kicking!! No, really.

So yes, I know it has been forever and a couple days (5 to be exact) since I last posted anything. The last couple weeks have been filled with preparing for family and then having family here. Since those individuals represent something close to 98.625% of my readership I didn't really worry all that much about updating things. But now I am once again a lonely Yank so everybody can look forward to lots of more fun stuff.

Tomorrow....

"I gots meself a job!!" and T-Minus 19 days Part Deux

Yep that's right campers, I have finally joined the ranks of the gainfully employed. Hmmmm...maybe I should rephrase that as considering my wages, the total amount of hours I will currently have, and the price of living out here "gainfully" seems like a bit of a stretch. At least employed is accurate. After having nearly lost all hope, in a whirlwind two hours yesterday I nabbed two jobs. First, I will be teaching drama in English once a month to a bunch of adults. Details on that whole thing to follow. For those of you keeping track, yes, this is that crazy job that I interviewed for a couple weeks ago and with which I had no idea what was happening. My other job is at an organic anglophone bakery named Rose Bakery. A big huge thanks goes to Megan Campisi for giving me the lead and more or less the job as when I dropped her name they hired me on the spot. They weren't even going to look at my CV ("resume" to us yanks). So things move forward...

...sort of. Thought I would check up on how good ole Neuf was doing with my internet access. Accordingly to their real time update system I am still 19 days out. A little wierd as I have been recieving all the appropriate information in the mail at the times they said. It wouldn't shock me one bit to find out that their real time updater isn't the least bit accurate. The only question is in which manner is it wrong. Gonna have one of my Francophone buddies help me call them tomorrow to find out what is going on. I will keep everyone updated.

Oh yeah, and as of 5:27 on Friday, no lice.

T-Minus 19 Days and Lice...that's right Lice

My highspeed internet connection is now within reach. I have been promised by Neuf that everything should be humming along in 19 days. Thank God! I can almost taste it.

Speaking of tasting things, we received a killer bunch of news at school yesterday. Apparently a couple students have informed the school that they have lice. Yeah, lice. Like those things that you get when you're in 5th grade. Apparently they are quiet common in France. France's first world standing, if you ask me, is teetering precariously. I'm half expecting next week to be informed that pink eye or chicken pox has broken out, and to recieve a letter that has to be signed by my parents before I'm allowed back in school.

Emily was exceedingly glad to hear the news. It was sorta like, "Hey hun, can't wait to see you next week. Hopefully I won't have eggs laid in my hair by the time you get here."

Hmmmm....do you think you have to declare them at customs?

Meta-meta-blogging

So this entry begins by talking about people talking about my blogging. You see it has become known to a small handful at school that I am keeping a blog. I have been informed by two friends who shall remain nameless (Lizzie and Kate) that this is because I can’t shut up about it. I have also been informed by two people who shall once again remain nameless (my two favorite Brits Lizze, and Kate) that it is a blog that is so distinctly written by an American, and a vain one at that. My how the ladies doth protest. You see for two people who talk quite a bit of smack about (translation for you Brits: “taking the piss with”) the silliness of me writing a blog they have both seemed to have reviewed it quite thoroughly. One (Katie) can recreate the poses of my couch pictures perfectly. The other (Lizzie) referenced a comment made by Emily on one of my very first postings – there are a lot of links you have to hit to find that comment nowadays. My writing must be so obnoxious that it warrants spending a vast amount of time, which none of us really have with class and all, reading and reviewing it.

As for the vain American bit, I take insults from citizens of the 51st State lightly. It’s not their fault, they just don’t know any better. Anyways, I am about to be a passport carrying brethren of theirs. No need to pick a fight quite yet. As President Bush has shown us, sweet talk ‘em now so that you can screw ‘em over later.

Hmmmm…why do I have a feeling I am going to live to regret this entry? Oh well, such are the dangers of mocking smart and resourceful people.

But just to guarantee sure that I do regret this, I’ll throw in this lovely little thinger.

Hellooooo Lizzie!


Oh by the way dear ladies, be careful with the reprisals. If necessary I’m sure I could get my hands on Blake’s pictures from Friday night. We may be dumb, but we Americans stick together and we know how to fight dirty.

Cheers, chaps! Or as we Yanks like to say, “Bring it.”

An apology to those not directly involved in this little intercontinental tease-fest. Inside jokes suck, I know. I promise not to commit this crime again. Just had to put the royals in their place.

Kyle is a dumby

Guess what I found in the pocket of my pants today, a pair which I have not worn in a little over a week? My USB stick. The lesson to be learned here? Rotate your wardrobe a little bit more frequently. I feel that I should be experiencing some sort of relief from all this or maybe at least some excitement from not having lost all my goodies. Not so much. Nope, really its only good for a semi-interesting blog entry. Weeee!

Our Explorer Returns

It’s taken a week, but finally I am back. After having journaled for a good portion of my life I have realized that its always the times that you have the least time to write that are the best and most important times to be doing so. This last week is no exception. I probably should have been blogging, as much has happened. So much has happened that blogging has been the last thing on my mind.

Let’s just hit some highlights. Last Thursday, Kyle left his USB stick in the internet café. Suckalo, yes, but no big deal, right? Not so much. First, it was not returned. Second, my entire life for the last seven years is on that stick. Third, a great deal of very, very vital info is on that stick, so vital that I wound up having to cancel every single one of my credit cards and change every single one of my passwords online. It was all encrypted, but who wants to take a chance. I do apologize to everyone who was at the wedding. The entire mailing list was on that stick. I’m sure if whoever has the stick wanted to they could fetch a nifty sum selling that info.

Next up, Kyle battled with France Telecom and finally won. I have myself a landline FINALLY!! Now it should only be about three weeks before I can get highspeed. The French Telecommunications industry rivals the dumbest industries in the world for idiotic bureaucracy junk. No really. Really really. But I’m past that now. I prevailed, and I even did so in broken French. That’s right, I managed to accomplish an entire task, other than ordering food, working solely in French. Woot! For those of you wondering why I needed a landline, basically it is mandatory to get highspeed. Backwards? Yes, but that’s just the way things are. That should be the French national motto. The one advantage is that calling me is MUCH cheaper. A calling card from the States that only provided 100 minutes of calling time to my cell now provides over 1000. Not so bad.

Also during this period Kyle got sick. Staying up to the wee hours in the morning at the internet café changing all your passwords will do that to you. I was already teetering on the edge of sickness, but that did me in. Thankfully, the next day after having slept for thirteen straight hours – yes, thirteen, I basically went into hibernation – I came out kicking and headed out for my first truly successful night on the town. While the nighttime transit options in Paris are embarrassingly awful they certainly know how to do live music clubs. I danced to funk, soul, blues, pop, Edith Piaf covers, lots of random French stuff, and much much more performed by a band clothed only in bathrobes all night long with a German classmate. It was truly wonderful. Biggest difference was that most of the music was partner dance kind of stuff, not much mindless solo bumping and grinding like the States. It actually challenged me a bit. I am going to have to diversify my moves. Apparently, I fared well enough though as I was invited by another classmate to tango lessons the next day. Although I did not manage to make it, I consider it a pretty good sign.

Classes continue to inspire and challenge. We have moved on and begun working with the infamous neutral mask in improv class. That thing is wild. My first two experiences in it had to be among the most intimidating of my life. I have never felt so vacant or insufficient in my life. I have now found at least some sort of momentary balance with it, an avenue into its world, but each day it teaches me more and more. Our movement classes have taken on a new and extremely strenuous tempo. Gone are the days of just dealing with one or two elements each class. We now work furiously and fluidly reviewing, building, and introducing new avenues of exploration. I’m naturally a person who sweats anyway, but I probably lose my body weight each class in perspiration – and this in a room that’s probably only like 65 or 70 degrees. An interesting piece of knowledge I picked up yesterday; I now finally know the 17 steps of miming the climbing of a wall. Bet you are all jealous now. Suckaz! Yep I know how to walk through water, the 7 levels of tension, the 6 stages of discovery, how to run and move as one with a group of others, how to push and pull like the best of them, and that walking is truly the most complicated thing to do on stage. No really. Really really.

Ok, I’m signing off. Last week I took some pics for a little guided tour of my building that hopefully I will be able to post shortly. Until then, hang in there. The days of long typed out monologues will come to an end shortly. 3 weeks till I am wired!!

I got a job!! Well sorta...maybe...

Today I had the most interesting interview process of my life. I interviewed for a job, and basically got hired, for a job that neither I nor my future possible boss knows whether it exists or not. Yeah, strange. Basically, if this drama class happens, which it may or may not, and if this teacher from last year decides whether to do it or not, which she may or may not, it sounds like I will most likely have the job. I hope you notice that there was not a single definite statement in that last sentance. Who knows whats going on? Who interviews people for positions that they dont even know if they need to fill? Soooooo strange.

The not so good news is that even if I get the job it looks like its not going to be enough hours. Decent wages, though they are "official", but not enough hours to make things work. Doh. Back to the drawing board.

Exhaustion continued this morning. In fact, it was bad enough that I asked Mary whether she knew what the symptoms of mono were. Fortunately, I am feeling much better this afternoon after having made extra sure that I was packing away the calories. I think my biggest problem is that surviving on baguettes, cheese, and liquor may work for artsy disgruntled writers, poets, and painters, but it kinda comes up a little short for people training in physical theatre. And here I was thinking that the reappearance of the line of my obliques had something to do with the rebuilding of muscle. Hah!

And that's all the news fit to print. Getting ready for a butchering tomorrow at our autocours presentation. Didn't seem to come together this week for our group. I may be wrong...but I don't think I am. I think I'll wear black in anticipation of the funerial nature of the process. Hmmm...guess that really doesn't make much of a statement. We all wear black. Every day. We're artists.

Exhaustion Kicks In

Today I woke almost more tired than I have ever been in my life. The only time that eclipsed it was that crazy period when I was working the overnight at the Hudson and rehearsing full time during the day. Yep, surviving on nothing more than three hour naps for an entire week is the only thing that could have outdone the feeling of this morning. Uh oh, is Kyle burning the candle at both ends out here? Hah! I wish. The most amazing part of this exhaustion is that it comes after a week of sleeping at least 7 hours every night. A friend who trained out here warned me that the training works in subtle ways. I was the fool who thought that just applied to ones understanding of the work. Nope, it’s pretty subtle in the way it kicks your tail as well. Never even knew it happened, but here I am ready to fall over from exhaustion. My entire body is wasted and sore, and not sore in that “uh no my back is acting up sort of way” but rather in that good old fashion “If I push her anymore sir, she’s gonna blow” way.

And it’s only Wednesday.

I will leave you with a realization I had today. At Syracuse we were taught all the skills necessary to function in the theatrical world. How to act in a modern naturalistic play, song performance, voice/verse training for the classics, and even some of the business elements. Here at Lecoq, you learn what theatre really is, how to sense when it is occurring, and hopefully, how to create it.

One last update...just read my email and I have a job interview tomorrow. Yeah!!

Oh and one final thing - this comment comes from a mistype I just made and erased - can anyone tell me what this symbol means? § Its on the French keyboard. Wierd. Man do I hate hitting shift in order to make a period.

Monday's blow

That's pretty much all I've got to say. This is the second Monday in a row that has flat out sucked. For some reason I am always in a foul mood in class and have an odd feeling that I am one step out of sync. Today was also the first day I did not get up and work in improv class. It's sort of ok in that I had already done this exercise before and only half of the class went today because of time....but still. Frustrated at myself for that.

So basically a sucky Monday. I'm tired and I have to pee and I still need to go grocery shopping before I go home, and even then 8 flights of stairs are between me and complete rest. But I am in Paris. That counts for something.

Some Observations

Drinking French café is like doing cocaine for the taste. You see, I am incredibly easily affected by caffeine. Back in New York I could never finish a full mug of coffee because my hand was usually shaking too much before the end of it to manage to get it to my lips. If I had a cup anytime after 5pm you could be promised that I would wired until at least 2am. Here, however, I can pound back a few with out even the slightest bit of a buzz. To get a rush I would have to shoot ‘em like a Frat boy on his 21st birthday. Get out the flip cup table, Kyle needs to wake up!

Now granted, the café/coffee here tastes much better, not like the sour acidic mess that is Starbucks, but still, why bother? Coffee/café does not necessarily “taste” good. It’s much like alcohol, at least in my mind, where it’s a taste you develop. Your very first cup is never all that good. Over the years though your appreciation for its subtle, sweet nuttiness grows, your taste buds become weaker, and you actually begin to enjoy it. But if you’re starting on French café, what would compel you to seek out that second mug? With alcohol it’s pretty obvious why we all had that second drink. “Whoa, this feeling is kind of interesting and curious. I wonder what would happen if I intensified it?” French café demands a great deal larger amount of faith. “Well, this didn’t do anything for me and it kinda tasted like tar. But everyone says it does something so I guess I’ll force another one down my throat.” (Repeat sequence at least 5 times) Hmmm…if they have faith like that in your coffee I suppose it’s not all that surprising that France is a much more religious country than the USA. The concept of a God isn’t that much more of a stretch than the belief that French café can get you wired.

Moving on to French grass. They have a great deal of it. In fact, they have loads of beautiful lawns. BUT DEAR GOD DON’T TOUCH THEM, SIT ON THEM, OR OTHERWISE ENJOY THEM IN A TACTILE MANNER!! See below picture of le Jardin du Luxembourg. That’s some pretty grass they got there. Wouldn’t you just love to kick back on it? Nope, don’t even think about. Instead, please use these lawn chairs which were probably bought at IKEA.


Now there are two noticeable exceptions to this rule. The lawns at the Champ de Mars and Invalides are both beautiful and open for general merriment. Still, if you ask me, NYC 1 – Paris 0. Paris, you got the market on beauty cornered (see below picture), but NYC laughs in your face when it comes to wide open lawns on which to play, sun tan, and generally remind yourself that the outer crust of our planet does not really consist solely of concrete. Actually on second thought, when you factor in NYC’s open bottle laws I guess I’d have to call this round a draw. It’s really nice to be able to picnic with a bottle of wine. You can forget that in the ole City.


NYC 0 – Paris 0, however the bookies have NYC up by 2.

And here are those pics I talked about

So it seems like Blogger is accepting pictures today. So now its time to catch up some.

Brought my camera with me to school yesterday so have some goodies for you. First up, the Seine at dawn which I spoke so much about yesterday. Wish the pics were better but I had no tripod, was on the wrong side of the bridge, and was running late for class. Dead center on the horizon you can see the two towers of Notre-Dame. On the left that large structure is Hotel-de-Ville I believe. To your right just some rich peoples places on the Seine. In front you have a Peugot going about 45mph. I’m gonna give it another thwack this next week as I have been enjoying walking to school. I arrive MUCH more awake.


Next up, La Grande Salle. This is our major classroom. All movement, acrobatics, and autocour presentations take place in here. It used to be an old boxing ring. Now seriously, how can you not want to create and play in this room. It’s a little bit less than twice as large as this photo depicts. Lots more room on the left. The second years (seen in black, while first years wear a multitude of dark colors you wont catch a second year out of black – they also all have cool haircuts) were coming in to start and work so I didn’t want to have the camera out.


And here’s the entrance into the school from the back alley. Some fellow Lecoqers can be seen in the foreground. You can see the old “Central” sign above our door. That was the name of the boxing ring.


Who’s Kyle hanging out with? Well here’s the beginning of the cast. Picture was taken at a café just down the street from the school. We were all sitting around wasting time before the afternoon session’s autocours. I’ve become quite taken by French café. Gone are the days of overly polluted coffee. One cube of sugar – that’s it. From left to right we start with the disembodied head. That’s Kate. She’s a Brit from Brighton. Next up smoking the Nicorette nicotine inhaler (she’s trying to quit smoking) is Linda, who is Swiss though she has spent the last two years (at least) in the States and in NYC. Moving along we have Lizze. Another Brit, but from Bath (pronoucend Bahth). Lizzie has been in my autocours group the last two weeks. She has made it her job to remind me periodically how American I am. Don’t worry y’all I’ve thrown her Brit back in face as well. All’s fair in love, war, and international stereotypes. Finally we have a fellow American, Mary. A fellow Northeasterner who like to say she’s from NYC though she actually lives in CT. Obviously, you can probably tell that I have not teased her about this at all.



More pics to come. Requests are taken, so if there is anything you want to see or hear about don’t hesitate to email me.

Weekly Nicotine Fix

Well, it’s the weekend which means it’s once again time to go out for drinks in the evening and get my weekly dose of second hand smoke. The tobacco industry really should use the French population as “evidence” that smoking is not bad for your health and doesn’t cause cancer at the ridiculous levels that everyone else wants you to believe. The French smoke like it’s their job. It is completely nutter-butter the amount of people that smoke and the amount of cigarettes they smoke. Last night at the café I watched one couple go through three cig’s each in a half hour. I mean given the amount that they smoke shouldn’t the French all be dropping like flies? I worry that once I get back to the States I will have to search places out to get my fix and make my clothes like an ash tray.

Weekends also mean that another Autocour presentation has passed. For those of you to whom I have not explained the training here in detail, one of the four parts of our training and arguably the largest and the most important is our autocours. Each week we are told to break into small groups of a designated size and are given a theme to work on. We are then given a week to create a piece of theatre. No faculty supervision. It’s all the students work. The theme this last week was “The Invisible Man/Woman”. Our theme this next week is “The Imaginary Voyage”. We were told that we start in one world/place and we “voyage” to another world/place at some point. The places can be real or not. The manner of the “voyage” is completely up to us. That’s all we were given. So pretty much anything goes. It’s up to us to give life and meaning to it. I can’t even begin to describe how exciting it is to be creating again in such a prolific and constant manner. This is the way that any theatrical training program should be.

Of course the slightly nerve-racking part of the process is the presentation at the end of the week in front of the entire school (second years are invited to attend) and faculty. The faculty is completely honest in their criticism, which depending upon the truth of the circumstances can range from cruel to uneventful to the ultimate ego trip. If the piece isn’t interesting and moving dramatically they won’t hesitate to stop you and tell you to sit down. If the work is clean and interesting, they’ll let you know it. This week I was planning on our group receiving a bit of a flogging but we seemed to fare ok. I say “seemed” because you must remember that I don’t really understand much coming out of their mouths (20% on words, 40% of full concepts) so I judge most of their response by their body language. I then get everything translated later, but that of course is second hand. They pretty much said everything that I had been worried about for the entirety of the week – which is even more angering and frustrating. Nothing more terrible than sensing that something isn’t right but being completely unaware of/unable to fix it. That being said it wasn’t that harsh. We got the “interesting” label, but were informed that the depth of detail of space and relationship was completely lacking. That won’t happen again. I have decided that this next week’s theme for me is to not be nice in my work. I may not know all that much French but I’ve heard the adjective nice far too much in my critiques to miss it. I’ll keep you updated on the results.

Now that the monologue is over it’s time for some PICTURES!!! Well, at least there were supposed to be some. Right now blogger doesn't seem to be accepting photolinks. Darn blogger. I will try again tomorrow. Let's hope all will be more graphically inclined at the point.

Transit Strikes Suck

Yep, it doesn’t matter what city or what country you are in, transit strikes blow. This is now the third strike I’ve encountered, in the third city, in the third country. I’ve survived the MTA peace-ing out in the middle of the winter this last year, the London transit system going out on the night I was supposed to go see “Mnemonic” in ’01 (ironic looking at the course of my life – seeing that production on my own the next week was what inspired me to start directing and to come to Lecoq), and now the Parisian RATP/Metro system when I’m supposed to be in class on the other side of Paris at 9 am. I suppose I can’t really complain as besides forcing me to wake up WAY TOO EARLY it only wound up being an hour walk – one that was fortunately shared with another American Lecoq-er, Marie, who lives in my area. Also it did allow me to experience something quite magical. I got to watch the sunrise while crossing the Seine at Pont de la Concorde. With Notre-Dame in the foreground the sun made its lazy way cross the horizon. It, like me, had not had enough café quite yet. It was the stuff of dreams. Of course when I dreamt it this event took place after a fantastic night of champagne, cheese, and general debauchery, but I suppose a strike and early morning classes are the next best thing. If I’m really lucky, I’ll get a repeat tomorrow/today (writing this entry right now on my laptop back at my place, but I will not be able to upload until tomorrow when the future will be past).

In other news, school continues to go well. The worst part about it is that I just wish there was more. Our days feel astronomically short – 4 hours of class a day) and before you know it the week has passed. I could easily go for another four hours a day. Another difficulty is that each day we do something new. Some of the movement concepts are repeated and built upon, but in Improv it’s pretty much new theme every single day. In all my previous training we always get multiple thwacks at each activity. Not here. Do it. Watch it. Absorb it. Move on. Of course, the Improv progression is specifically tailored to build upon principles introduced on previous days, but very often you’re so focused on dealing with the new elements that out the window goes some of the previous stuff. Gotta be quick. Learn how to paddle or grow gills. Oh yeah, and do it in French.

The back is also still hanging in there. The training here, I think, is winding up to be fantastic therapy. No really explosive moments. I suppose that’s a lie. It’s relatively un-explosive…other than the leaps, running, and popping from position to position….so pretty much completely explosive. Ahhh….but nothing extremely weight bearing…yet. Lots of nice undulations and expansions and contractions though. Good strengthening stuff, right?

Ok I must be off in order to write cover letters for a couple jobs. I’ll keep you all updated. Per requests I am carrying my camera to class tomorrow to nab some photos of the space. Think good thoughts at about 5am EST/4am CST. Autocour fun tomorrow! Sensing a butchering. Yikes.

I am alive....no really

From the frequency of my blogging you might not believe the above statement, but alas it is true. Unfortunately though I am once again without an internet connection in my apartment. That makes this whole blogging thing that much more fun. Basically the French telecom company Neuf got curious about the increased traffic load on the connection and realized, due to powers that I think are only legal in France (basically they checked everything that was being downloaded and started a live session on my floormates computer - yes, she does need to learn what a firewall is), that we were operating an illegal wireless connection. So they shut her line down. Suckola. Now I am once again in the process of getting my own connection and phone line. The first step, getting a bank account, has been accomplished. Now I have to deal with France Telecom because even though I am going to get service through another company they are the only ones who can legally install a telephone line. Don't ask me - the French are crazy in many strange and unique ways. Off I go though. Hopefully I'll sooner or later manage to streamline the process of my blogging.

Kyle has Obliques!

Oh yes I do. And how did I discover this, you might ask? Because they are SORE!! I am also pretty darn sure I have quads and gluts for the same reason. Regardless if I manage turn learn a language or anything new at all about theatre I can guarantee you that I will walk away with a killer midriff and butt. Might not be as helpful on a resume, but I bet it could help me get a job.

So yes, Advil and Tylenol have become very good friends of mine. Luckily, the ole back is behaving itself for the most part and the pain is all good pain. Classes continue to be highly enjoyable and interesting. My favorite moment of the day was after an improv I was involved in my teacher turns to me and asks me a question about...well...something, and all I could was smile and say "Desole. Je ne comprends pas." Fortunately he laughed, than just continued on. I got it translated later and which point he came over and continued to discuss what he was talking about via translator. You gotta love international schools.

Alors, because this entry needs some pictures, I'm gonna catch everyone up on something. I herniated a disc in my back not too many months ago. A little over a week before my flight here I re-screwed it up trying to tie my shoes (yes, I know, I live my life on the wild side) and wound up having to get two epidural shots. Woot! Now how in the heck did the American medical system manage to move so quickly that I was able to get a referral, my consultation appointment with the pain management specialist, and then the shot all within one week (the last two steps taking a mere 6 hours)? Because apparently my MRI films show that my back is REALLY herniated. The pain management team was sorta surprise they didn't operate. How bad is it? Well I'll let you be the judge. Below, in IMAX 3D are my MRI films (and when I say IMAX 3D, actually I'm just lying - but it's sorta like low-res jpegs).

The first shot is a side view of my spine. See if you can tell which disc is L5-S1, which is where the problem is. Can anyone say "One of these is not like the others?"


The next shot is of a normal cross section of one of my discs. See the normal roundish white shape of the nerve column? See how nobody is giving it any trouble?


Finally we have a cross section of L5-S1. Can anyone see the problem?


So now I've showed you mine, and you know what that means.

Now when I said I understood 40-50%, I really meant 2-5%

The first day of classes is over and I am here, alive, talk to about it. The big bad wolf of the unknown is now no longer all that big and bad, nor a wolf for that manner. It is now much more of a rooster (Extra points for whoever gets that one). The day seemed to go well. Granted I didn't understand a single word that was said (see above title) but the overall feel to the room was that of a good day. So I'm gonna mark this one up as a successful day. Lot's of Anglophones in my group so I at least have a life line. The school complex itself is pretty fly, definitely a place to make art. I will try and still some photos if I can without desecrating anything.

In the meantime you will just have to settle for the pictures below which were taken a couple of days ago. The title of this series is "Welcome to Kyle's Hood."

First off, we have Kyle's block. This is Avenue Constant Coquelin. My door is the second to last on the left hand side. A nice quiet block.


Next up, the view north up Boulevard des Invalides from the corner of Av Constant Coquelin. You can follow along on the map up top if you'd like. As you can see from the pictures, Paris has just as much scaffolding as New York. Interestingly enough, just as in New York it is managed by Mob families from Jersey as well.


The next two pics are both taken from Place de Breteuil, which is a block from my place. Place de Breteuil is a traffic circle which, due to soon brilliant urban planning, offers incredible views up two "spokes" of tree lined boulevards of two of the more impressive feats of architecture in Paris. The first is of...well, you better know that one. The second is taken from a position about 20 ft from the other and is of L'Hotel Des Invalides. That's where that famous short dude who had a serious Napoleon complex is buried.

Tour Eiffel

L'Hotel Des Invalides

The final is just a little shot I snapped as I was walking up towards Le Grand Tinker Toy. In the foreground is is L'Ecole Militaire. Actually that's a lie. In the foreground are some trees. L'Ecole Militaire is the building behind those trees. Le Grand Tinker Toy is the thingy stinking up behind it.


Hope you enjoy the pics. More of the neighborhood and other things to come. Sorry that most the pictures are boring. I'm not much of an architecture photography. I prefer live things.

Houston, we have contact!

Half a month and a quarter of a planet later I am back online and kicking. Much has happened in our time apart and I promise to do my best to bring everyone up to date. For right now, as I am still in the process of gathering my thoughts, let's just get the big event out of the way. I've gone Bye-Bye. From now on I can be reached at:

9 av Constant Coquelin, 7 etage
75007 Paris France
Mobile: +33 (0)6 88 04 06 88
Skype: kylewdavies

The only thing I've had time to update so far is the above map. Currently, it only has my place and my school indicated. As I explore and disover more I will continue to add points of interest. So keep a look out.

Finally, I shall leave you with the least of first impressions I made on my first day here.

Day 1 Impressions on Day 6

-Anxiety attacks are fun.
-Air India flies 747’s that are older than everyone reading this page – combined.
-Message to Air India Flight Attendants: DON’T YOU DARE WAKE ME UP TO MAKE ME TAKE YOUR COMPLETELY POINTLESS INFLIGHT BREAKFAST!! AND WHY ARE THE LIGHTS ON FOR ALL BUT 3 HOURS OF THE FLIGHT?!? Some of us, all be it VERY few, aren’t going to Mumbai and we need to sleep in order to deal with jet lag!
-French Customs...what Customs? I just walked right through along with the rest of my flight. There was immigration but only periodic spot check for Customs – much like the New York Subways.
-The levels of jet lag: 1) Exhaustion 2) Headache 3) Exhaustion & Headache 4) Nausea 5) Bad Nausea 6) Every time you close your eyes your body twitches as if you almost went to sleep – because you did 7) Really Bad Nausea 8) Your body just starts twitching whether eyes are open or closed
-Jet Lag BLOWS!!!
-You know you’re in crazy survival mode when you make sure to finish every last bite of your apple because of the thought, "I need the calories. Who knows when the next time will be that I’ll be able to find food that I’ll be able to communicate enough in order to get. Thank god money talks!"
-Yeah, the French really do make the best baguettes in the world, and yeah, they are so good that you could exist solely on eating them...I am right now.
-I have finally found a toilette that has something more annoying in your way than the toilet paper holder armrest (my apartment in New York), and that has less room to sit on than a toilet in the Hudson. It’s my room here...pictures to follow.
-Yo, they weren’t joking when they said things over here are pricey, and I’m used to NYC prices.
-Not having an internet connection in your place SUCKS! [Update: As of 6-Dec, thanks to Browyn, my fantastic neighbor, this is now fixed]

KGB-B[lahhg] Picture Porn Vol. I

Welcome the birth of this much anticipated column. Who was anticipating, you ask? Someone, somewhere I'm sure...or at least I hope. This is what happens when I get bored at home and decide to play around with the self-timer feature.

Photos de Moi
(click to see full size)

KGB-B[lahhg] French-speak 101 Vol. XIII

French is so much fricking fun to speak. Here's your daily dose of Rosetta Stone lesson lovin'. Truly a sentence everyone should master, not necessarily because of it's practicality, but just because it's so much fun to try to say.

Le garçon ne peut pas parler parce qu'il est sous l'eau.

Talk about high speed plosive action. If you'd like to practice along at home, phonetically it would sound something like the sentence below. Because no one really reads IPA transcription I'll do my best to write out the sounds in a slightly more understandable fashion. Here goes...

Luh gairsohn nuh puuh pah pahrl parse keel ey soo loh.

Work on gaining some speed and I guarantee you at some point you'll get a good chuckle. And for the record the statement translates to, "The boy is not able to speak because he is under water." Why, yes, he is.

KGB-B[lahhg] French-speak 101 Vol. XII

It seems as if this column is going to quickly become a forum for me to marvel communally about the oddity of Rosetta Stone vocabulary lessons. Yesterday's lesson included the saying...

Cette tête est une vraie tête.
et
Cette tête n'est pas une vraie tête.

Translation: "That head is a real head" and "That head is not a real head."

Thank you Rosetta Stone. Now I can begin this journey fearlessly as I can be assured that I have been equipped with all the vocab necessary to survive. Watch out all you imposter heads, I'm gonna call you out!

A Tragedy of '80's Knowledge

After my post a couple weeks ago referencing the '80s Classic "It's the Final Countdown" by Europe, I was rather shocked to discover that many people had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. Some people thought that I had simply made up that little graphic out of convinience. Ohhhh, it is time for some educating. Click below...



...and now consider yourself learned.

Testing 1, 2, 3,

So, if all has worked out as hoped, this blog should have an interesting new feature today. If not...I suppose it won't. This sentance right here, by the way, is only filler. It has no point other than to make the text wrap around one more time in order to test sizing.

By the way, I am fully aware that there has been a huge lapse in posting. I have just returned from a hiatus to the Columbian District of Washington. Now I have to actually spend time getting this done, as Bye-Bye time is quickly approaching.

More soon.

KGB-B[lahhg] French-speak 101 Vol. XI

What follows was part of an actual vocab lesson in Rosetta Stone. For those of you not familiar with the program, they show an image and display the appropriate phrase or word in the given language. I must admit, I was a little befuddled by the idea that this might be in any way useful to my travels.

Attention! Kangourous.

Now maybe I am missing something, but I am pretty sure that there are no kangaroos indigenous to France, nor in any country that speaks French therefore necessitating the learning of French to travel there. But, I am glad that I now know how to properly describe such signs and warn friends about the danger of a possible kangaroo presence. Thank you Rosetta Stone. Without you I would be lost.

A Much Lamented Death

A person died here today. A person who so many of us have relied upon over the years to provide us with safety and understanding. A person who was at times flippant and amusing, and at others poetic and heart-wrenching. Yes, ladies and gents, today, here at the KGB-B[lahhg], the Third Person died.

The time just came. It needed to die. The narrative here at KGB-B[lahhg] would forever be limited, and I just couldn't accept that. Also, it was really becoming a pain in the derriere. Trying to figure out how to readjust thoughts into the third person is quite time consuming, and as most of these entries are composed in the lapses between helping guests at the Hudson it was just no longer practical.

Sorry Thirdy (I called him Thirdy), you had just out lived your usefulness. I have been assured that he felt no pain in his passing, and that his last words were a blessing to us all. "Good luck y'all," he said in his final breath, "Just try to remove yourself from your actions without me. Suckaz!" Thirdy always had such a wry sense of humor.

Disclaimer: No actual Third Person's were harmed in anyway in the writing of this entry. The views and opinions expressed above are solely those of the author. This includes the contention that the third person is masculine. His just happens to be.

KGB-B[lahhg] French-speak 101 Vol. X

A helpful dialog.

French-personne: Êtes-vous américain?
Intrepid explorer: Non, j'habite à New York*.
French-personne: N'est-il pas New York aux Etats-Unis?
Intrepid explorer: Dépend. Vous aiment des Américains?

Your helpful translation:

French-person: Are you American?
Inrepid explorer: No, I live in New York.
French-person: Isn't New York in the United States?
Intrepid explorer: Depends. Do you like Americans?

*This dialog works a lot better if you are from New York. The pretentious cultural elitism just doesn't play as well with other locations like...well everywhere else.

It's The Final Countdown!!

Ok, not exactly of the variety of the picture to our right, but I've decided visual aides can be very helpful. And come on, the band who sang it was Europe, and Kyle's going to Europe. So, it's sort of the final countdown to Europe. Get it? Yeah? Cool.

Though marking the milestone has been missed by a day, we have now entered The Final Month before Le Grand Bye-Bye. Set them watches, folks. T-Minus...uhhh...un, deux, trois...uhhh...29 days until takeoff.

The process of departure presses forward nicely. Health insurance has been secured, Rosetta Stone lessons have begun again in earnest, and the final to-do list has been created. The biggest challenge facing our intrepid explorer is contact with his soon to be landlord. Why, might you ask, is he dragging his feet in regards to this phone call? Well, first of all, Kyle is, for some unknown reason, scared of cold phone calls. No, that's being too specific. In all honestly, Kyle is rather scared of all serious/important phone calls, maybe all phone calls in general. His parents can attest to that. So, add in a nice hand full of non-English speaking landlord to this already ripe slab of fear, mix heartily with Kyle's lack of French-speak, and you get a nice fluffy batch of Kyle procrastination. Kyle has promised himself the phone call will happen before the end of the week, if for no other reason than Kyle does in fact have to sleep somewhere. He gets nasty when he doesn't sleep. And sick. Emily "The Wife Left Behind" and his parents can attest to that. And no one likes a nasty, sick Kyle. Especially Kyle.

KGB-B[lahhg] French-speak 101 Vol. VIV

Today we enter the world of French-speak sayings - WITH PICTURES!!

Une voiture sous un gros ballon.

No translation needed really, right? Ok..."A car is under a large ball."

*This has been a Rosetta Stone shout out.

IPA Madness

For those of you who are reading this post because you think it has something to do with booze, you can go ahead and stop reading now. Sorry, its not. Never really liked IPA's too much anywho. Nope, this entry has to do with the ever-fascinating International Phonetic Alphabet.

For those of you now thinking, "What the heck is the International Phonetic Alphabet?" it's one of those marvelously useful things you learn while pursuing a degree in Musical Theatre Performance, along with how to roll around on the floor and breathe properly. I bet you guys had no idea that you didn't know how to breathe properly. Haha, suckaz!

Along with being part of a MT Major's curriculum it's also the set of crazy looking symbols used to illustrate how a word is pronounced. You know, those wacky upside down E's, small R's, and that crazy love-child of and O and an E - basically those things that you completely ignore in the dictionary. Still unclear? See the included chart.

So why should you care about the IPA now, when you've never cared before? Not really sure. However, if you've been finding that the provided pronunciations of the French-speck vocab lessons haven't been displaying properly you've got yourself an IPA problem. Yep, your web browser, though massively useful, isn't smart enough to translate the IPA language. That means it's either time to update or download Firefox (you're gonna have to do it sooner or later anyways). After completing that task you'll finally be able to view KGB-B[lahhg] in all of it's intended righteous glory. Life will take on an entirely new level of meaning, I promise you.

If not, at least your browser is up to date.

KGB-B[lahhg] French-speak 101 Vol. VIII

rein /Rɛ/ nm kidney; ~s (dos) small of the back.

While the usefulness of this word is arguable, it made us smile.

KGB-B[lahhg] French-speak 101 Vol. VII

condamné /kɔdamne/ vt doomed.

The word just seems to keep coming to mind as October 1st approaches.

Wierd Thought of the Week

"I should probably put on a shirt to talk to my parents. Oh no, do I need to put pants on too?"

Ok, this thought requires some context. Kyle's parents are in the Land of 1,000.35 Lakes. Kyle is in New York City (see above map). Kyle is in an apartment without central air. New York is hot. New York is hella hot. So, taking into account that all my communication with my parents is via phone, the idea that chatting sans (FRENCH-SPEAK, BOOYAH!) wardrobe is considered quite often and even occurs regularly (sorry folks) shouldn't surprise anyone.

That has all changed now.

In preparation for the months ahead we made our maiden voyage into the world of video chat. Video chatting is the oddest combination of surprisingly cool and also uber-wierd. Something about seeing your parents lounge around in your childhood home while sitting in your own living room is honestly kinda trippy. I'm sure the opposite is also true. Seeing my (no avoiding first-person singular here) ginormous head floating, quasi-disembodied, in my darkened living room must be slightly disturbing, especially when the audio is fractions of a second behind. Anticipating this, as the process of getting all the proper software and hardware installed progressed, we here at KGB-B[lahhg] (ahhh, back to third-person) considered how we could minimize the oddness.

"I should probably put on a shirt to talk to my parents. Oh no, do I need to put pants on too?"

The shirt won. The pants didn't. I just kept the crop tight on the camera.

Sorry folks.

KGB-B[lahhg] French-speak 101 Vol. VI: A Brand New Series and a Double-Dose!

sarcasme /saRkasm/ nm sarcasm.

ironie /iRɔni/ nf irony.

Used in a sentence:
Is this really necessary? It's all over this page already.

Hmmm...so sarcasm is masculine, while irony is feminine. How interesting.

Update: Due to compositional issues this daily column's name has changed. Can't have the title using up two lines. Nope, too much white space. The new title also allows us to attack French-speak in a broader manner thereby providing our dear readers with a more enlightening and fulfilling experience. Woot!

KGB-B[lahhg] French-speak Word of the Day Vol. V

femme /fam/ nf woman; (épouse) wife.

Used in a sentance:
Ma femme a été laissée.

Hmmmm...how interesting. Can we all say patriarchal society?

Sacrebleu! "Word of the Day" Challenged!

We here at KGB-B[lahhg] care. We listen. Unlike other blahhgs, we read your comments and respond, because we care. We listen. A few days ago, a "knowledgeable" reader challenged a definition we provided. Well, we listened, and we cared, and now, for our readers at home, we provide what we like to refer to as Exhibit A in our Case For The Validity Of Our Funny.

Anything wrong with the definition we provided? Was our funny inaccurate?

Oohhh, burn Alex! Uhh, we mean oh so "wise" reader.

And suddenly, the apprentice becomes the master.

So no one ever say we don't listen, or that we don't care. Because we care, oh yes we do. And we listen. In fact, we are listening right now. Right this very second. Us and the NSA. Right there with you on your phone lines. Booyah!

**Disclaimer: So, ok, "wise" reader was right too, but we really wanted to add some images to the blahhg, and this was the best reason we could think of to include one. Basically, we started a battle in order to look cool. How very American of us. France-land is gonna love us!

Work Continues...

And because of that, the staff here at KGB-B[lahhg] is TIRED! Actually, our exhaustion has very little to do with work, and more with us having stayed up too late watching how "Hard Out Here For a Pimp" it really is - which it seems is pretty difficult. Note to self: Skip pimping...it seems to cause much sweating.

Though I can't credit it as the cause of my exhaustion, much work and preparation for the big Bye-Bye has been occurring. Likey the mapy up above? That would be the fruit of a nice slow day of work. More fun things like that along the way.

Most of the work has been behind the scenes though. The last two days were almost completely spent looking at computer screens, slowly, but surely, transferring every single one of our files from Emily "The Wife Left Behind's" old computer to our spanking new MacBook, which will not be going bye-bye with Kyle. Groan...... The new beast, however, is now completely up to speed, and this entry is 100% MacBook composed. Can you tell the difference? Does this entry read quicker, more easily, and possess a certain unique cool design flare that the others didn't? No? Try hitting F9 than you crazy PC users, it will blow your mind. [All the PC users are now hitting F9 and watching nothing happening and wondering what the heck I'm talking about. All of us Mac users are chuckling and shaking our heads. Don't worry, we know your ignorance is not your fault.]

I'm going to go off and try to implement some changes I have made to the map. Also I'm off to go have some fun Skyping.

KGB-B[lahhg] French-speak Word of the Day Vol. IV

fatigué ~e /fatige/ adj tired.

Used in a sentance:
Kyle est très fatigué.

Ohhhh sooo true.

Just So I Can I Say I Did

Here's my daily entry. This is all it's going to consist of because right now I'd rather be spending my time with Emily "the wife left behind". I don't think anyone reading this is going to fault me - except maybe the person with the Canadian IP address. Yes, that's right - I'm tracking you! Bwhahahaha!

KGB-B[lahhg] French-speak Word of the Day Vol. III

Due to inebriated revelry last night, today's dose of French-speak is going to be double the fun, double the flavor, doublemint French.

folle /ful/ nm madman.

Used in a sentance: "Yo folle, what up?"

francophone /frakofon/ adj French-speaking; nmf French speaker; phone that only works in France.


Used in a sentance: "I bought a francophone today. Now I can finally call home!"

Evolution: KGB-B[lahhg] v 1.00.002 SP 4

Anyone who has been checking this blog with any regularity (hopefully there are at least a few of you) has probably noticed that the site keeps changing every single time you stop by. Well, we here at KGB-B are working non-stop to bring you the finest experience in Bye-Bye blahhging.

Just yesterday we added two new interesting features. See that handsome devil over there to your right? That would be a picture of the bye-bye going Kyle himself. Yep, we've gone multimedia. Expect to see more in the way of picture madness in the coming days. As soon as this crappy weather breaks and we can get outdoors with our camera we will be able to proceed with our Master Plan. That's right this blahhg is GOING PLACES!!

The second new feature you can find under my disclaimer on the right side of the page. Thanks to a wonderful little thing called Feedburner you can now have the KGB-B[lahhg] delivered directly to your email box. Have no fear, I won't sell your email addresses to anyone...unless they pay me A LOT of money...then you're all screwed, but come on, would you really blame me? So sign on up and start getting your daily dose served piping hot in your inbox.

The only other major change has been the color and layout of the page, which has been changing more often than...ummmm...something that changes really, really often. Still trying to determine the "right" look and feel for KGB-B. Comments and criticism welcome.

Once more of the logistical aspects of the site have been sussed out "real content", have no fear, will return. In the meantime I will try to keep my basic updates as Kyletastic as possible.

This is Kyle...going bye-bye.

KGB-B[lahhg] French-speak Word of the Day

droit, ~e /drwa, -t/ adj (contraire de gauche) right; (non courbe) straight; (loyal) upright.

Hmmmm....anyone see a problem here?

This is why I think French rocks.

Too bad there isn't a font named "sarcasm".

Bye-Bye Sequence Initiated

Though I suppose it was already official, today it's really official, I'm going bye-bye. The plane ticket has been bought. I will be flying air freight, you might know this section by the term preferred by airlines - international coach, on the wildly popular Air India. That's right, inflight chicken vindaloo. Their service is quite interesting actually. Apparently, to keep costs down you actually fly the plane yourself. Once you board you dial in to their "Pilot Assistance Line" and their customer service rep guides you through the process. Flights are frequently delayed as hold times can be rather long...but don't worry, they do value your call and someone will be with you shortly.

KGB-B[lahhg] French-speak Word of the Day

'Cause some people just couldn't wait......you know who you are.

croissant /krwasa/ nm crescent; croissant; French crack

"The Death of the Three Chords" or The Kremlin Goes On-Line

So after a long and illustrious career, we have decided to retire the three ominous chords. Although we felt it was a strong statement for the Kyle Goes Bye-Bye Brand, Inc. (NASDAQ: BYEBYEKYEKYE) we came to the conclusion that it was, in fact, nothing more than a royal pain in the butt. To remain a true player in our competitive group we must address daily the delicate balance of obnoxiousness vs. funnyness vs. laziness. After waking up this morning and confronting the thought that we would have to continuously cut and paste the unique formatting of the three ominous chords we decided to hell with that!

Three ominous chords, you served us well. You will be missed. A moment of silence please.

.....

Obnoxiousness & Funnyness - 0 Laziness - 1

In a bold move of re-branding, however, Kyle Goes Bye-Bye, Inc. has recently concluded negotiations with the Russian government resulting in the acquisition of their State Security Department's web log address. Beginning today, Kyle Goes Bye-Bye will now be referred to as:

The Official KGB-B[lahhg]

Please update all letterhead and correspondance accordingly.

Day 1. Round 2. FIGHT!!!

Now the real work begins. I have created this thing, now it is time to give it meaning.

What you see before you will be a dailey(ish) log of the thoughts and events leading up to, and including all those that occur during, my grand BYE-BYE [duh duh duuuuuuuuh]. For all of you wondering,

"Oh god, is he going to highlight every reference to the grand BYE-BYE [duh duh duuuuuuuuh], by increasing the font and including a three ominous chords?"

I have one thing to say...ooooh yes.

But what is this grand BYE-BYE [duh duh duuuuuuuuh] you might ask? Why, it is my departure to study physical theatre in Franceland.

Over the next nine plus months I intend to: First, blahhg (as it shall now on be referred to) every day. Second, at least twice weekly publish The Official BYE-BYE [duh duh duuuuuuuuh] Picture Porn column. This column will consist of four pictures which will have recently taken, and possibly some accompanying commentary. Third, once weekly post The Official BYE-BYE [duh duh duuuuuuuuh] Video Experience Extravaganza. This little multi-media wonder will consist of a web-cam video. Probably of me. Maybe not. Doing something. Hopefully interesting. Maybe not. And finally, for my piece de resistance (sans accents appropries), I will include, for our lovely readers in the motherland, The Official BYE-BYE [duh duh duuuuuuuuh] French-speak Word of the Day. Weeeeee!

And that pretty much covers it. That is what you can hope to find.

As I become more proficient in all the tricks of blahhging, this site will evolve and change. New features may be added, and things that I have promised above may disappear. But the one promise I make to you now and ....uhhhh....promise to keep is that I will not raise taxes in order to produce this blahhg. KYLE GOES BYE-BYE IN '08!!!! YEAH!!!!!!

Actually, Kyle goes bye-bye in '07, but who's counting?

Which provides the perfect segue into.....

Questions for our more technical savvy readers:

1. Using blogspot.com's template, does anyone no how to enter space breaks in the "About Me" description field? I would like my disclaimer to have a space separating it from the rest of the description.

2. Does anyone know where I might be able to find code that would allow me to insert a clock that countdown's to my departure to Franceland?

3. Does anyone know how to insert foreign word characters into posts? If I'm gonna be writing about Franceland I'm gonna need to intermittently use French-speak. This means I'm gonna need to be using some good ole' accented characters.

And with that, I bring the first official day of the Kyle Goes BYE-BYE [duh duh duuuuuuuuh] blahhg to an end. It certainly was a good one.

Below, find your daily dose of French-speak.

The Official BYE-BYE [duh duh duuuuuuuuh] French-speak Word of the Day:
Oui /wi/ adv & nm inv yes. Used in a sentence: Oui.

IT'S ALIVE!!!!

I have given birth to this creature. Now I shall let it roam free!!!!!!.....as soon as I spend my next entire blog establishing all the rules and guidelines. FREEDOM!!!!.....with rules.